Pee Here!
by GlamFolk
Summary: Shepard takes pregnancy tests two days before shore leave, and has no idea what to tell her biotic boyfriend. Tales of a pregnant Shepard to come. No fluff.
1. Chapter 1

She looked down at the small stick she held in her hand.

Positive. Well that's just fucking great.

She threw it down into the trash along with the other three she had bought when they stopped at Illium and had snuck off to purchase them under the guise of 'lady items', which led Garrus and Jacob to look around that ceiling and point to new resturants and talk about anything besides what their commander could possibly be buying.

She sat down on the toilet and looked at the small stick. Fuck. Fucky fuck fuck. She had been careful. She thought she had swallowed everyone of those stupid blue pills she got from a Pharmacy on Illium and he made sure he always had one and wore it. She ran her hands through her hair.

They didn't make armor for pregnant women. She would have to take a leave. Not that that would be a problem. Reapers were gone, she was back to getting petty orders from the big guns in charge. Her crew had been bugging her for shore leave anyway.

She looked in the mirror and tried to remember. God damn, when? She bit her lip and remembered. It was the day after they had won. Finally finished what they had started three years ago. Anderson bought the whole crew drinks. She got drunk, she had forgotten to take her pill on the days building up to the battle, and she had just pulled him into the elevator, up to her cabin and...

SHIT. how could she be so stupid. She instinctively reached down and touched her stomach. She looked up in the mirror. She saw a thirty three year old woman who had seen enough for a lifetime, but what she didn't see was a mother and a wife. She had wanted it, sure, but on her own terms. She didn't want some little mass of cells that was living off her right now to dictate her future. How was she going to tell him? How was she going to tell anybody? The crew had just started to notice that they were together again, between him sneaking out of his room at night and their habit of eating across from eachother. She would not be a good mother, damn, she wouldn't even be a good wife. She looked down at her stomach and tried to imagine a growing little person pushing out against her skin and making a little cubby in her. She shuddered at it. It felt so ...alien.

Ha.

She stepped away from the mirror and looked at the door. There was only one way to know for sure, she thought. Blood work. Go to Chawkwas and find out. She's understand. She's the one the Shep had gone to in late night runs to pick up certain latex items when he had forgotten to pick them up.

She stood up, proud and looked again in the mirror at her stomach. Ugh.

She walked out to the elevator and promptly pressed the down arrow. She leaned against the cold metal, and exhaled. She tried to imagine it in the fleeting seconds she had alone up in the cold metal box. A little girl, maybe with, firery red hair like her mom and dark brown eyes like her dad. Who could do biotics and would practice lifting kitchen items while mom was cooking. She would have freckles, and be pale like her, and have a voice that was unlike a little girls. Deep, and smokey, and she would have her dad's smile. She found herself smiling at the idea as the doors opened and she regained her regular "I'm in charge" composure. She strut past Miranda who gave a friendly wave and into the Med Bay.

"Dr. Chawkwas?" she asked, and the docotr looked up from her work.

"Shepard. What can I do for you?"

"Um, well, I was wondering if you could, run some...bloodwork?"

"Of course. Just lie down over there,"

Shepard obeyed, and went to lie down on one of the cots, throwing her legs up and relaxing. The doctor came over with a syringe she was cleaning and a bottle of alcohol under her arm.

"So, why do you need the blood work done?"

"I just need to make sure everythings okay," she said.

"Have you been feeling faint? Experiencing migranes?"

"No, no...it's just...I want to make sure everythings good. I think something's different."

The doctor sent her a look but went back to focusing on her arm. She extracted the blood, and wiped her arm with alcohol. She placed a cotton ball on the point and then taped it down.

"That should be fine. I'll send for you when I have results."

"Thank you, Doctor." she said, and pushed herself off the bed. She exited cooly. She ran into Miranda again.

"Miranda, could you gather the crew and tell them to meet in the de-briefing room in fifteen minutes?"

"Sure, Shepard. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just have an annoucement."

"Alright," she said.

Fifteen minutes later she was looking out to fifteen eyes eagerly waiting for news. She kept her elbow bent to hide the cotton.

"It's been about a month since we did the impossible," she said looking over the crowd, trying to avoid his eyes. "And, I for one, think it's time for some shore leave."

The crew erupted into cheers at the prospect of taking a break.

"I've forwarded Joker the plan. In about two days, we'll be docking at Illium. From there, everyone of you has one month do do whatever your hearts desire as long as I don't get messages youg ot arrested or died doing something stupid."

The crew smiled like children and some started talking about there plans.

"That's all," she said with a smile, and watched the crew exit. She remained, staring at the table.

"Shep?"

She looked up and saw he was still there. She did her best to send a smile.

"You excited for a month of freedom, Kaidan?"

"Hard to believe," he smiled. "we finally get a break from all this. It's your first in about four years, isn't it?"

"If you don't count the two year coma," she said. He smiled and walked over to her.

"So, what are we going to do with a whole month?"

She shrugged. "Haven't really thought about it, I guess." she smiled.

"I was thinking," he said. "you could come with me. To earth. Go stay in Toronto for a while?"

She looked up. "With your family?"

He blushed. "Well, not with them. But an old friend has a house he's not going to be in, and it's only a short drive away."

She smiled. "You want to play house in Canada for a month?"

"Well, yeah. And it'll be Thanksgiving. My mom's from America, and she makes us celebrate it even though we've never set foot in her homeland. My family," he touched the back of his neck. "they want to meet you. They always get excited when I get a girlfriend."

She smirked. "Girlfriend?"

He blushed again.

"Does that mean I get to call you my boyfriend?"

He laughed. "You're picking on me."

"It's cute," she smiled.

She reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I would love to go to Canada, and meet your family, and go get sap from trees and watch moose drink from lakes and whatever else you do in that wonderful country."

he smiled but then looked down to her arm.

"What happened to your arm?"

She realized that the cotton was still there and withdrew her arms.

"I went to Med Bay to get checked out. Just some blood work, nothing to get worried over."

"Why did you need blood work?"

"Just a check up. Inhaled a lot of stuff when we were one earth, all that debris flying around. Just wanted to make sure everything was alright."

"Okay," he gave up.

She smiled. "I'm going to head up to read some reports," she sashayed around him and to the doors.

"See you tonight," he said flirtily.

She skipped dinner.

She looked over the pregnancy tests in her waste basket of the room. Three little pink pluses stared back at her. She felt the over whelming temptation to grap the smug little piss sticks and throw them out the air lock. She simply looked in the mirror and let her hair down.

It had grown in the past year. She didn't keep it under control, and now she could pull it all back into a small pony tail, which she found herself doing subconciously now. She flirted with the idea of hair cut, but she kind of liked the waves that fell to her shoulder. She flicked them back as she reached for her toothbrush and began brushing each tooth furiously.

She saw a little boy now. Dark hair, olive skin, but green eyes like her. And he would play with toy guns and make armor out of tin foil and when he was mad he would sparkle and crackle blue electricity like his dad.

Her pleasant thoughts were interuptted by the sliding of the doors into her cabin. She quickly spat and poked her head out of the bathroom. There he was, smiling.

"I like you hair like that," he said, smiling.

She grinned and placed her toothbrush back in the cup she kept near the sink. He began to walk over, and with a quiet kick of her leg, she pushed the waste basket out of view.

He wrapped his arms around her and ran his fingers down her back. She was just in her tank top and underwear, what she usually slept in. She felt tickled at the fingers dancing down her back, and begna to forget the things that had plagued her mind earlier that day. She allowed her self to be guided back to the bed and have her neck kissed and her shirt slipped over her head. She smiled and felt like a giddy teenager and he got up to turn off the lights. For the next ten minutes they were like that. Making out on her fluffy captain bed, giggling. It wasn't until she began to feel his hand tug at her underwear did she remember.

"Mmm-" she reached for his hand. "We can't."

"Why?" he said, kissing her neck, and she almost forgot.

"Wait," she said regaining her previous meaning. "We can't tonight. It's um, that time..." she lied

"Oh," he got it.

"Yeah, sorry. But," she said with a smirk. "I don't mind carrying on like this."

The next afternoon she drank hard black coffee and looked over her clothing pile. She sighed and looked to EDI.

"EDI, how cold is it in Toronto right now?"

"Weather repots for Earth show it is now 25 degrees Farenhiet in Toronto, Canada."

"Great," she said, and took another swig. She never liked cold weather, and she never found the need to buy jackets. In her lonely clothing pile, only one coat and flannel over shirt were left.

"I guess I'll have to buy more jackets," she said, and placed down the mug. She picked up what she had for the trip, and shoved it into a suitcase. She went into the restroom to grab her shampoo and hair ties. She put them in a small zipped bag and placed them in the front pocket.

EDI flickered on.

"Commander, Dr. Chawkwas wishes your prescence in the Med Bay,"

Shepards heart stopped. She looked over the the AI and wondered if this was one of the last times she'd give it a command.

"Tell her...tell her I'll be down in five mintues."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

She entered the Med Bay hoping that her face conveyed a look of cool confidence, when really, she knew she looked hollow and pale. Dr Chawkwas stood up when she saw her.

"Commander,"

"Hello Dr."

"I'm almost finished with the blood work you asked for yesterday," she said. "I'm sorry it's taken so long, I haven't been able to get around to it."

"It's fine," she reached up and touched the back of her neck and looked up.

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

Shepard looked around at an empty med bay. With a deep breath, she stepped forward.

"I was wondering...I was wondering if you found any weird things."

"Such as?"

She was going to make her say it.

"Like...a baby."

Dr. Chawkwas eyes widened a little.

"Oh."

"Yeah,"

"Well, I haven't run that test. When you asked me I had just planned to do the basics, scanning for any chemical imbalences or low cell count, but, now that you bring it up, I'll check and send the results to you immediatley."

"Thank you," said the blushing Commander, and she quickly turned on her heel and exited, wanting nothing more than to find a hole to die in.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"I can't believe you don't have any jackets."

"I can't believe you lived in a place that requires five layers of clothing."

He smirked and watched her fold one of the jackets he gave her to wear when they landed at the airport. She hugged it to her when it was done to press out any kinks. The smell escaped with the air and she smiled. It smelled like a forest covered in snow.

"Crap, I forgot my tooth brush," she remembered looking at her small bag.

"I'll get it," he said.

"Thanks," she said, and she placed the jacket in the suitcase. She reached for another and folded it as well. And then another.

"Are you having trouble finding it?" she called out playfully. She heard the door open and turned around with a grin, only to see him holding up three sticks.

fuckcockshitmothergodamn

"Shep...what are these?"

She felt a hard ball fall PLOP into her stomach. And she sat down on her bed as he walked over.

"They're, um, they're pregnancy tests." she said and he sad down next to her. They both looked down at the three pink little pluses.

"They look positive."

"Yeah, yeah they do."

He looked up at her.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"When...when Chawkwas gave me back the blood work. I wanted to make sure."

"Is that why...last night..."

"Yeah."

He breathed in. She felt tearing up.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've told you as soon as I took the first one. Shit, Kaidan, I'm sorry. I just, I don't want it. Not now. I'm too scared."

He reached out and took her hand and turned her face towards his.

"Listen," he said. "No matter what it is..." she let out a little sob. "You know how I feel about you, right? I love you. I love you so much. If you're pregnant, then...then that's just more to love, alright? It may not be want we want right now but, honestly...I want it. Eventually. I want to have a future with you. I want to marry you and have kids with you and grow old and fat with you. No matter what, I want you, I love you. I'm not going to leave if it happens we just pressed fast forward, alright?"

she nodded through her tears and he put down the extra tests. She fell into him.

A ping came from her data pad on her desk. She sniffed and looked up in surprise. She looked up at him and he looked down at her. Slowly, she got up and reached out with a shaking hand to the pad. With a few flicks of her fingers, she opened the e-mail from Chawkwas.

He watched from the bed, praying, and then heard her let out a small cry.

"What?" he jumped up and walked over to her. She turned around with her hand holding the data pad, and she looked up at him and smiled.

"I'm not. I'm not pregnant. She did it twice and she found no trace of it. I'm not pregnant." she smiled up at him and a wave of relief filled them both. She laughed and hugged him.

"Oh my god, I was so scared..." she breathed. But then her eyes caught the test that lay scattered on the floor. She broke off and went to pick them up.

"I have no idea how these came out positive," she said, and looked up at him.

"What did the box say was the percentage it'd come out right?"

"I don't know," she said, and went into the bathroom. He waited outside until he heard "OH MY GOD."

She exited holding a box.

"I'm so fucking stupid! You know what this is? It's a pregnancy test, _for asari."_

"What?"

"I don't know, it states that for any other species it would come out positive because of the different acids and protiens that are found in a female's body when pregnant. Since the asari have one gender, their protiens are different."

She threw the box in the trash with a little too much force. "Fucking box worrying me over nothing! Bastard..."

He laughed and went up to her.

"Would it really be that bad though?"

"Hmm? Being pregnant?"

"Yeah, I mean, if you were,"

"I...I don't know. i thought about it. When I thouht I was."

"And?"

"We'd have cute little biotic ginger kids."

He laughed.

"I'm just saying, I guess."

"Yeah?"

"We should think about it, maybe."

"Having kids?"

"Well. We'd get married first."

Silence and shock make a great cocktail for air.

"Not now, but...soon."

"How soon?" she asked a little eagerly.

"Whenever you want," he smiled. "but I wouldn't mind having little biotic ginger kids with my pretty, smart, ginger wife, whenever she's ready."

"They'd steal cookies. All the time. You guys and you're weird telepathic magic."

He smiled and kissed her.

"It sounds like a deal," she said. "But now, I let's practice,"

She kicked fallen tests aside, and pulled him to the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

She stared at it.

For sure this time, she thought. She had checked the box and everything. It had a picture of a happy, round human woman holding her swolen belly, smiling at the camera like the thing in her hands was a sack of money rather than a collection of cells that was going to eat, shit, sleep, and yell for the next eighteen years.

She bit her tongue and looked at it. A little pink plus. She picked up the other one. A little smiliey face. The other one. A 'pregant'. She waved them a little, as if to dry them. She then placed the three sticks near her feet, and laid on her bed.

She inhaled. This is what Earth smelled like, she thought.

It had been seven months since she had her pregnancy scare. Now, she had had a birthday. She was officially 34, and wasn't allowed to be a stupid young adult anymore. And now this little thing growing inside of her was going to make sure she didn't spend late nights at bars or stayed up watching TV in her pajamas and eating food that her husband had left in the refridgerator. Last night she had eaten canned cheese on wheat bread just because she was _hungry._

God, that was weird to say. Husband. _Hus-_band. She had said it a few times over the past three months. It never really got her. She thought being married was supposed to make her go all Leave-It-To-Beaver, make her want to dress up in flowy vintage dresses and wear pearls while doing household chores.

Ha. That was funny. Her doing household chores. She looked up at her bedroom and noted the clothes thrown about, the knocked over knic-knacs on the dresser, and the scortch mark from where she had seen a cockaroach and shot at it out of fear.

That's one thing no one ever knew about Aiden Shepard. She hated cockroaches.

Or...did Aiden Shepard-Alenko hate cockroaches?

Would fetus Shepard-Alenko hate cockroaches?

She looked at the pistol on her night stand and grabbed it, hastily clicking it to 'safety', wanting to get in the habit before it would be too late and she would find her kid just wandering around, playing space soldier, and then shooting the dog.

She looked up at her dresser and noted the broken glass. She pushed herself up, carefully, scared to somehow rupture the holding nest that was her uterus, causing some complete malfunction and her losing...whatever it was. She went over and scooped up the broken glass, tossing it in the trash can. She looked at it.

So, this is how it happened, she said, grabbing hold of her stomach and remembering the night she had gotten knocked up. It was after some party, she couldn't remember because she was almost gone from drinking so much. She had pulled him into the room, already unbuckling his belt. She climbed on top of the dresser while he reached and pulled off her underwear. She pulled her dress down to her stomach, thanking god she wasn't wearing a bra that night so she wouldn't have to fiddle with tiny clasps on a night where a peg box would've have left her bewildered. She let down her hair, pulled his pants down, and threw caution to the wind.

It had felt somewhat...better, that night. They had talked about having kids, and mutually agreed that they would stop trying not to have them. That night, instead of sex just being something that the two of them used for their own pleasure, they had dove into the primal meaning of it. They were using it as a tool to create another life rather than just a random hook-up in a married couple life.

Apparently, using sex in it's purest, biological form really got her hot a bothered. She had knocked over the glass vase when she finally came on top of the dresser and had forgotten to clean up the mess.

Shit, is this what kind of mother she was going to be? Just leaving glass about, after breaking it in the heat of a hard, satisfying fucking? Was she going to leave bug spray near the cereal too?

Well, no, she shot bugs.

She looked back down at the pee sticks she had held under her just ten minutes earlier. She picked them up, putting them between each finger, and then slashing through the air, like she was Wolverine. She laughed at herself and placed the three urine sticks in her pocket and pulled her flannel over it.

She and her _husband _lived in Canada. A far step from Mindiour, she thought. She looked out her window at the forrest just by her house. She lived a few miles from Toronto, just near some fresh air. She had missed the smell of the country, from when she had lived on the farm as a small girl, and now she was back. She could reach out her hand a feel nature.

This was the enviroment her children were going to grow up in, and she loved it.

She had left the Normandy in the care of Joker and left Miranda and Garrus as co-commanders while she was away. She had fought, died, and fought again to save the universe for four years without a vacation, and now she was officially taking a year off as a freelancer. Kaidan still worked Alliance, but has asked to be transferred to a base in Canda, where he could be close to his family and live with her while she was on leave.

Now, though, she was going to have to request more leave, and then...

she hated the idea of leaving the Normandy and everything she had dedicated her life to, but a military ship was no place for a kid. What if something happened, a crash, an attack, fuck, even PIRATES, maybe...

She tried not to dwell on the uncertain future, and rather on how she was going to tell her husband who would be arriving home in thirty minutes.

Panic overtook her.

Thirty minutes? Thirty minutes was nothing. How was she going to explain...SHITTTTTTTTT.

She ran to the bathroom. She stashed the tests under the sink and turned on the faucet. She wet her face, ran some water through her hair, and rubbed her eyes.

She'd play sick.

Thirty minutes later, she was laying on the couch, under a blanket too small to cover her feet, trying to will herself to go to sleep. She closed her eyes with almost such a force it was like she was trying to crush the sand in the corners with super human force. She turned but was careful not to lay on her stomach. She eventually gave up and just stared at the ceiling.

When the door opened though, she forgot all about being sick.

"Aiden?"

She froze.

"Aiden?" she heard keys get placed on the end table.

"Yeah?" she said, getting up.

"Hey," he smiled, and walked over to her. "What's wrong? You sick?"

"Uh, a little, yeah. I was just going to head to bed."

"You need anything? I could head to the convienient-"

She smiled.

"No, I'm fine," she said, thinking how he would be like this whenever their kid got sick.

"Alright," he said, unsure what to make of it.

"There's some spagetti in the fridge," she said. "I was going to warm it up but then I just got..."

"Yeah, it's okay. Go lay down, I can get it." he kissed her forehead.

She walked back to their room and closed the door, dropping the blanket. She covered her arms, thinking how cold it actually was in this freaking house for it being June. She walked over to the dresser and pulled out some pajama shorts. She took off her jeans, threw them into the hamper, and pulled them over. Then she grabbed one of his shirts and changed into that, inhaling his smell and feeling completely and utterly comfortable. She went over and picked up the blanket, and headed outside to watch the sunset over the evergreens.

An hour later in the dark, she found herself thinking while sitting on one of the bar chairs placed out there to look over the fence with her feet casually placed on the fencing of the balcony. She thought of her future, of the cluster of cells multiplying inside of her gushy warm insides. She let her fingers dance over her stomach, looking up at the sky.

"You're not sick,"

She turned around, startled. he stood there, still in his work clothes, at the door frame.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," he said, walking out. "Everytime you're sick, you ask me to go to the convienint store and buy you potato chips. You have patterns, Aiden." he smiled and pulled up the other chair.

"Why are you so annoyingly good at being a husband and remembering tiny shit like that?" she put her hand in her hair, fighting off a smile.

"It's how I am. Tell me what's up," he said, scooting closer.

"It's nothing," she said getting up, wrapping the blanket around her.

"What do you mean it's nothing? You didn't lie to me about being sick because you thought it would be fun."

"It's nothing okay? Just drop it."

"No, I won't," she heard a crackle of energy behind her and turned around.

"I'm fine, alright?" she said.

"Why did you tell me you were sick when you're not?"

"Maybe I just wanted to lay down?"

"You put fake sweat in your hair."

She felt her hair instictivly.

"Fuck you and your observent tendencies."

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Kaidan-"

"Jesus, Aiden you're making it such a -"

"I'm pregnant!"

His face fell and the energy in his hands faded.

"What?"

"I-I took the tests before you got home," she said, wrapping the blanket around her more. "Human ones, this time. There's pictures and a 'HUMAN' in large print so I couldn't have messed it up this time...I took three. All different brands. They're all positive, unless the smiley face means I'm not, and if that's the case then they're some sick bastards and Motherhood Inc.-"

"You're sure?" he said, still looking dazed.

She looked up. "Uh, yeah," she nodded. "For sure. I bought the expensive ones. So...they don't lie." she smiled.

"You knocked me up."

He stood there, a little blank faced.

"Oh god, please say something."

"I..."

"You're not happy. Fuck. Maybe I really am sick! Go get me potato chips!"

"I have to call my mom," he said smiling.

"Not for a 'how do you perform an abortion at home' advice, right?"

"I have to call my mom," he walked up to her and put her face in his hands. "and tell her the woman of my dreams is going to have my kid,"

"So, you are happy."

He kissed her. "Elated."

She broke out in a smile.

"Father of my child,"

"Preggers."

"Baby Daddy."

"Mom."

"Dad."

"Woman I stupidest luck to find,"

"Guy who I let put it inside me,"

He smiled.

"We're going to have a baby."

She nodded.

"We're going to have a baby."


End file.
